I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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