sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
