I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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