Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize