can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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