You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize