I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
