You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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