I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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