As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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