He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
