I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
