: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
