GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
