last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
