My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
