Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
