Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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