Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
