he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
