I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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