Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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