um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
