My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize