Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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