I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
