I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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