some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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