How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
