going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
