I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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