Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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