i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
