so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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