Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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