I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
