This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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