I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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