Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
