i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
