So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
