Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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