So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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