So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
