My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
