eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
