how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
