I think I won the penis lottery.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
