so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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