I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
