my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
