____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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