my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
do nipples grow back?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
