i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
