It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
