found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
