If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
