My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
