i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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