am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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