sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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