my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
