a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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