hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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