Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
