I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize