Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
