go do what you do best...puke behind churches
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
