Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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