I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
