Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
