Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
