what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
