Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
