i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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