she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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