I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
