Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just cropdusted the office
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
