We're like a lot better than the average bears
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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