i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
