roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
